Trip to Colorado - the illustrated version

(I can't seem to get the hang of posting photos, so this is backwards. Oh well.)

Here we have: adorable green cowboy baby.

Hungry, miniature new friends.

A bald cat with a future librarian.

Three random people.

Mysterious rock formations.

Confessions Week - Post One

Ms. Bri suggested that we take the week to post something "no one knows" about ourselves (she stated it better) every day. So here goes:

Tonight I drove all the way home from work with my brights on. But I didn't realize it, until I got home and described to Derek the funny light that had come on the dashboard. What a jerk. (me)

Live from Monument, Colorado

Here I sit with the lovely child of Kaiserschmarm, after a day of, well, as J's mother says, "you chuckle a lot together."

More to follow!

Here, have some random pictures to assuage my guilt for not blogging much lately....

Seagulls at Point Dume, Malibu

Pre-wedding procession (by Wes)

My favorite cat.

He hates having his picture taken.

What Eumaios Would Not Post

A good man enjoys his meal.
I have another thing to say about Eumaios. This is for Bri. Have you noticed that my husband's blog is similar to your husband's blog? They don't want to be real "bloggers", but they want to put pictures up of the things they love, each in their own special way.

Meme (from unwellness)

(accepting unwellness' non-specific tag)
What were you doing ten years ago this month?
That would have been January of my senior year in college. Nothing jumps out at me in particular about that month. I had just turned 21. I was studying sociology and fiction writing. I was still dating X (to steal from R. Ford) and I think we were pretty happy together at that time, it was one of our better years if I remember correctly. I was REALLY freaked out about my impending graduation. I had no earthly idea what I wanted to do with myself, and was even having some related anxiety attacks. Sometimes I thought I would probably die before graduating from college because I couldn't imagine life after, I had no vision for it. I wasn't speaking to my father, and my parents were about to separate. I do remember Ms. Bri coming home from Florence on her way to Phoenix and being with her at Asia's apartment with a bunchy of other girls and then just the three of us, very very very drunk and likely smoking a million cigarrettes.

What were you doing eight years ago this month?
In January 1998 I was living with D. in the apt. we inherited from Bri & Wes on what was then the "not so nice" (AKA not gentrified one bit) part of 5th Avenue. I used to love to sit in the window and watch the men pacing in front of the OTB. There was always graffitti about Jesus on the front door, and the guy who owned the store downstairs was hot for D's mother. X and I were still officially together but he was living on the west coast. I was very confused about the relationship and often felt intensely lonely. To deal with this I would do things like spend the whole day walking from Park Slope to Union Square. I had a job I really loved, which was working at the public defenders office. It was very fun and I felt very self-righteous about it, the world was full of good guys and bad guys and I was working with the good guys.

What were you doing six years ago this month?
Still living in Bklyn with D., but now in an overpriced apt near the park. I'd finished my first semester at my MSW program, and I was interning at the place where I would have my last and most beloved job, a small agency in S_nset P_rk. I was still with X but we'd been struggling. I think we were sometimes happy but sometimes really frustrated with one another and talked sometimes about breaking up. The relationship would last about 7 more months. We'd all just celebrated in the millenium at Bri & Wes's apt, the first year of that tradition. And Kaiserschmarm had been to visit, with her beautiful little boy, who was very excited about trains and the "toy museum".

What were you doing four years ago this month?
Working at my first job as a social worker, in ENY, and I believe I still liked the job at that time. I was still living in the overpriced apt, but D. had recently moved back to Buffalo, and I had a "random roommate". Actually, the landlord was about to kick me out, but I didn't know it yet. Derek and I had been dating for about five months, and I was very very happy with him and definitely had high hopes for the relationship. Also, I think at that time we New Yorkers were all still reeling from Sept. 11. A big chunk of our city was just - gone.

What were you doing two years ago this month?
Derek and I had been living together with our grumpy swine for about a year of unwedded bliss. I was working at my dream job, my second job out of MSW school (the place in S----- P---). I was walking distance from four of my best friends. I couldn't believe that my life was so .... good. That I was so blessed and fortunate. I had started my post-grad program, so I was also really learning a lot and enjoying that too. I was bugging Derek a lot about how much I wanted to get married. I bugged him enough and he proposed on our wonderful trip to Umbria that year. I knew that I was lucky to have found a man so handsome, kind, and so good to me. And good at laughing together.

What are you doing right now?
Just married, and moved to LA so that Derek can start his career. So appreciative of the chance to spend time with Derek, exploring LA and just appreciating our relationship which is now (gasp) a marriage! Unfortunately, frequently homesick for NY, sometimes quite lonesome for my friends there and elsewhere. Liking my job alright enough but feeling sidetracked from what I really want to be doing and therefore at somewhat of a standstill until we know where we'll be on a more permanent basis. In limbo. Looking forward to beginning the "trying to conceive" phase in.... 12 days or something like that.

What have you learned from this?
It's still hard to believe that I have so many of the things that I want in life. I used to truly believe, when I was younger, that I would never marry. I actually did not believe that healthy relationships existed. When people seemed happy together, I thought they were probably hiding something. Really. So every day I am thankful that I found Derek, and that I am capable of being in a healthy relationship. That's enough to remember, when I feel frustrated and homesick. If I can get as much done in the next ten years as I guess I have in the past ten, I should have a pretty full life, and that feels hopeful.

I TAG: Kaiserschmarm!

Conservative Propaganda Day

missing you

It's hard to say how much I miss my friends. I'm aware of it constantly, but sometimes the visceral, gut feeling of it sneaks up on me. Any time I see two women talking together, walking in my neighborhood, over a meal at a restaurant, it hits me badly. Even once, I was sitting in traffic on my way home from work, and there were two middle-aged men in a pick-up truck in front of me having an animated conversation, and it hit me then too! I feel intense jealousy for other people who appear to have friends.

Late Day

So here I sit on my "late day". I'll be working until 9 tonight, so I'm trying not to go in to the office before noon. I went running, etc. Unfortunately, I am temporarily incapable of sleeping in, due to the lavender Basal thermometer (however you spell it) that I am placing in my mouth every morning at 7. I don't even have to set the alarm, because I'm so anxious about it that I start to dream about it. Usually I dream that I've already taken my temperture at least twice before I actually give up, wake up (at around five til seven) and actually do it in real life.

I'm hoping that all the anxiety will use itself up and burn itself out before we actually start trying to conceive, and by then I'll have a neat little understanding of my reproductive system and ovulation cycle! This pre-emptive charting is supposed to alleviate future anxiety by allowing me to run with my anal compulsive tendencies instead of second guessing vague symptoms. Will it work??? I imagine eventually it will become routine. maybe?

Anyway, overall I'm doing OK. Life is certainly settling down after the most busy and filled with traveling holiday season I have EVER lived through. Also I'm settling into my job, and taking stock of that as well. Unfortunately, I find that I am not thrilled with where I am. Before I go into a list of negativity, I will first say, that YES I am still having fun exploring LA, YES I am enjoying the amazing weather, and YES marrying my dear professor is the best thing I've ever done in my whole entire life.

However, I've had to step off the career path that I love, and I'm feeling bummed out about this now that I've settled in and learned my new job. I like the job, I believe in the service they are providing, I like their approach, and I've been really lucky to start the job with a bunch of other new people who I really like and who make me laugh every single day. This is something that I really needed, since my social life is the other lacking thing around here. But, I'm not practicing psychotherapy right now, and I do miss it. I was really in a good place when I left NY, having achieved my clinical license, finished up a great training program, and had an opportunity to begin providing clinical supervision at my old agency. So, I do feel it as quite a loss that I'm not practicing right now, and I'm trying to figure out how to make the best of the situation. I really feel that I have no choice but to tread water since we will likely be in LA only until the summer, and I don't know where we'll be after that, so I can't really work towards anything career-wise.

So, I'm trying to figure out how to make the most of this forced break. I'm looking into maybe taking classes to explore other, unrelated interests that I have. (photography? poetry?) And, I want to get knocked up. But I know I can't make this happen exactly when I want it to no matter how many times I take my temperature at 7 in the morning.

I love you Eumaios the Swineherd

Eumaios the Swineherd taught me how to make links! Finally! It turns out I knew how to do it already, but the old template I was using didn't allow me too.

Eumaios the anti-blogger has started his own blog because he's obsessed with taking digital photos! Expect lots of photos of food and restaurants in your future. Go Eumaios!!!

and an almost perfect day yesterday

The weather here has been amazing for those of us accostumed to the east coast, although I must admit that a constant stream of 80 degree days in the "winter" raises a vague sense of suspicion in me.

Not to say that we haven't been enjoying it.
Yesterday was almost perfect: an early morning yoga class, a walk in an overgrown but beautiful botanical gardens in the foothills, shopping at Loehmans (while Derek went to a sports bar), a movie ("the Squid and the Whale", set in chilly Park Slope), and an amazing Malaysian dinner: crispy- chewy roti soaking up coconut curry like a sponge.

Derek and I have been thinking that the one good thing about "having no friends" (not quite but almost) is that we've pretty much never been able to spend so many days together. The whole day (minus when he must go to a sports bar and I must go shopping.) Although I have to say, Derek, if you are reading this, when I wrote the word "sports" I realized that the other reason we've spent so much lovely time together is due to the lack of (ahem) a TV.

Every Day in LA

For Christmas, we gave ourselves a new digital camera. (I have no idea why this is writing in blue.) Here are the cats, in their usual state of being pissed off at one another.



The above are pictures from the trail near our house where we like to go walking and running.

Here is a picture of the view from my balcony on a typically hazy day.

That is our life, all you really need to know.

Holiday Review

I have been very remiss about writing over this holiday season.
It is New Year's Day - bleak, rainy, and - for LA - cold. As a result, I am grumpy, and would probably be best locked up in a cage somewhere, kept away from the rest of my species.
However, I will now subject myself and any readers there may be to a series of lists.

Top Ten Good Things About This Holiday Season
(in no particular order)
1. Food: cheese grits, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with raisins, rum cake, antipasto, eggplant parmesan, spinach lasagna, Mom's vegetarian stuffing, birthday home-made mint chip ice cream, etc.
2. Being back in Brooklyn for a weekend - seeing everyone, sitting on our old stoop, shopping in my old stores, knowing how and where to get things done, seeing D's pregnant belly
3. Being a part of Asia's beautiful wedding
4. Seeing old friends on New Year's Eve
6. Potty humor and riding space mountain at Disney with Bri, Wes, & Z
7. My family being together and all getting along over Christmas, including Derek! (it was our first Christmas together)
8. Frolicking in my Mom's back yard with my sister and the two airedales, Didi & Mandy
9. A wonderful birthday, thanks to Derek
10. my cousin's baby boy surviving and becoming progressively stronger although still hospitalized

Top Eight Bad Things About This Holiday Season
1. Fighting with one of my best friends on my birthday
2. Being exposed to hepatitus A, almost fainting outside a Korean restaurant, and getting a butt shot on my birthday
3. Losing the favors at Asia's wedding
4. Having to travel for ten + hours round trip in order to be with family and friends
5. Hearing from my sister how much my parents were fighting after Derek & I left Georgia
6. Asia not being with us for New Year's for the first time in at least five years (although she had - ahem - better things to do)
7. Saying goodbye to Bri on New Year's Eve and not knowing when I'll see her again
8. Feeling down today about not knowing what direction my life will go and how my friendships will be re-formulated after this move, since I can't sustain the once-a-month trips to the east coast forever