Addicted to Nursing

If anyone who has breast-fed their baby long-term (into the toddler phase) happens to stumble by this post, please feel free to comment/give input based on your experience!

As K. nears the ripe old age of two, I am thinking of weaning him.  Eventually.  I always said I would wean him somewhere around age two.  But in my fantasies, his interest in nursing just naturally dropped off, in a painless, child-led way.  In reality, this is just not the way things are going.  He is still nursing and going strong.  And I can't really articulate a reason why two seems the right age to wean, except for my fears of nursing a 7 year old.  Truth be told, I feel squeamish even about nursing a three or four year old, and I KNOW that's all about cultural messages.  I grew up hearing my mother say, "If he's old enough to ask for it, he's too old!"  (She's become more enlightened since then, and has NEVER criticized my nursing K., but I can still hear it in my head.) And of course K. has graduated, just this week, from saying: "sss, sssss" when he wants to nurse, to saying:  "Nurse, please.  Nurse Mommy.  Suck br*ast, milk in breast, hi breast."   Yes.

Derek keeps saying that it's not just K. who wants to keep nursing, and he's RIGHT, damnit.  It's also me.  I am also addicted to nursing.  I tried for a month or two, on the days that I am home with him (3 days a week he drinks from a sippy cup all day at daycare, no problem) to do a little gradual weaning, as in, I would distract him from nursing until after lunch.  I was trying to cut out the morning nursing.  Well, I've completely gone back on that.  The only times I try to distract him from nursing are when he's just very recently nursed and I think he's actually hungry and confusing his hunger signals with a desire to nurse.  I really don't think I have enough milk left to satisfy a 20 -mo-old.  In that situation, I offer him food and that's usually what he wants.  In all other situations, the truth is that he doesn't just want to nurse, I want to nurse him too.

Nursing is wonderful.  It is cuddly and cozy.  It gives me a hormonal rush that feels much like having a cigarette after a stressful day.  (No I do NOT currently smoke.)  It feels like I feel after taking a perfect and vigorous yoga class, or after having a good run.  Why would I want to give that up?   And when else do I get to cuddle my very busy toddler?  So yes, I am in it for myself too.  

How does one give it up?  And how do you know when is the right time?  Even at 20 months, I know fewer and fewer moms that are nursing their toddlers.  So here I am, the lone breast-feeder.

Reptile Feeding

K. continues to be interested in trucks and heavy machinery ever since they started doing road work on our block a few weeks ago. However, he seems to be branching out a bit. I was relieved tonight when he requested a book about a puppy and a book about a duck for his bedtime stories. He has also become interested in Cookie Monster. We are beginning to think that Cookie Monster is the new truck. He must have been introduced to Cookie Monster at school since we don't watch TV at home, but it brings him so much joy that we've been watching the "C is for Cookie" video on youtube a few times a day.

Yesterday we took K. for a hike and stopped at the trailside museum to watch a "reptile feeding". It was only after I'd gotten K. all excited about "the lizard" that I realized this would probably involve animals eating other animals. K. wasn't too freaked out and innocently waved as the last of the mouse's tail disappeared between the snakes jaws, saying: "Bye bye, mouse."

Then they fed the turtle. Being a more civilized animal, the turtle ate a mixture of dog food and vegetables. When I asked K. what the turtle ate, he said, "Pasta." Then, he looked over at the four-year-old next to him and, wanting to make some impressive small talk, said very solemnly: "Cookie monster." To which the four-year-old looked askance and said, "Dude, Cookie Monster isn't even here." (Well, he didn't really say dude, but he might as well.)