Addicted to Nursing
If anyone who has breast-fed their baby long-term (into the toddler phase) happens to stumble by this post, please feel free to comment/give input based on your experience!
As K. nears the ripe old age of two, I am thinking of weaning him. Eventually. I always said I would wean him somewhere around age two. But in my fantasies, his interest in nursing just naturally dropped off, in a painless, child-led way. In reality, this is just not the way things are going. He is still nursing and going strong. And I can't really articulate a reason why two seems the right age to wean, except for my fears of nursing a 7 year old. Truth be told, I feel squeamish even about nursing a three or four year old, and I KNOW that's all about cultural messages. I grew up hearing my mother say, "If he's old enough to ask for it, he's too old!" (She's become more enlightened since then, and has NEVER criticized my nursing K., but I can still hear it in my head.) And of course K. has graduated, just this week, from saying: "sss, sssss" when he wants to nurse, to saying: "Nurse, please. Nurse Mommy. Suck br*ast, milk in breast, hi breast." Yes.
Derek keeps saying that it's not just K. who wants to keep nursing, and he's RIGHT, damnit. It's also me. I am also addicted to nursing. I tried for a month or two, on the days that I am home with him (3 days a week he drinks from a sippy cup all day at daycare, no problem) to do a little gradual weaning, as in, I would distract him from nursing until after lunch. I was trying to cut out the morning nursing. Well, I've completely gone back on that. The only times I try to distract him from nursing are when he's just very recently nursed and I think he's actually hungry and confusing his hunger signals with a desire to nurse. I really don't think I have enough milk left to satisfy a 20 -mo-old. In that situation, I offer him food and that's usually what he wants. In all other situations, the truth is that he doesn't just want to nurse, I want to nurse him too.
Nursing is wonderful. It is cuddly and cozy. It gives me a hormonal rush that feels much like having a cigarette after a stressful day. (No I do NOT currently smoke.) It feels like I feel after taking a perfect and vigorous yoga class, or after having a good run. Why would I want to give that up? And when else do I get to cuddle my very busy toddler? So yes, I am in it for myself too.
How does one give it up? And how do you know when is the right time? Even at 20 months, I know fewer and fewer moms that are nursing their toddlers. So here I am, the lone breast-feeder.
posted by Melissa at 7:42 PM
2 Comments:
I nursed my twins to... I think 18 mo. And then it became a vicious competition between the boys for my attention and because of that I was nursing ALL THE TIME. It was crazy. But had that not happened, I think I would have continued for a while. Do you truly want to stop? It doesn't really sound like it. Is your squeamishness stronger than your satisfaction with how things are going? I've heard the "If he's old enough to ask for it..." reasoning, but to him the breast is just his version of a bottle, so what's wrong with asking for it now that he has words? Could you give him a cup when you're in public... would that help how you feel about things? No matter what you decide, it will be okay. Good luck!
Awww. I'm in the same boat as you. At times I'd like to wean my little fellow (20 mos.) because the nursing thing gets annoying sometimes. Like, every time I sit down, he takes that as his invitation to start lifting my top and attacking my breast, and if I don't hand it over immediately once he has the idea in his head, he gets really upset, and all that just to suck 8 times then he's off again, only to return 5 minutes later for more of the same. Also, he's gotten very agressive with the nursing and it's not always comfortable. There are times where I'd just like to cuddle him quietly and NOT have him climbing all over me, sampling each breast back and forth while squishing the one he's on and trying to pinch the nipple he's not using. But no dice. Truly he's a man in the making, if I can't even get close to him for a cuddle without him immediately demanding more from me.
At the same time, I'm not ready to give it up quite yet. There are also times I like it, and I like snuggling with him for a nurse. I too made a half-assed attempt to distract him out of some nurses for awhile and it failed. He got upset, I got upset, and I started not being able to see the point.
So I figure, sometime around when he goes to college is when he'll give it up. Or, it might just have to wait until he can be reasoned with a little bit, and talked out of the neccessity.
I delude myself. I have no idea what to do.
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