N*scar Sheets and gender stuff
The great question, do we unavoidably socialize our children towards gendered cliches? Or can this be avoided? The question itself is a cliche.
I was horrified when I opened a package of hand-me-downs and found a set of N*scar sheets. Then I found out that Derek had approved the sending of the sheets. He had been asked explicitly if he wanted them, and he said yes.
No, Derek is not N*scar fan. He is not even a car freak. But he is frugal to the verge of miserly. (OK, fine, I just like to say the word "miser". Derek is not really a miser.) He is extremely frugal. So he would rather use the N*scar sheets than go out and buy a new pair of sheets.
I hated the sheets on two levels. One, the gender presumption that boys love cars so much that they want to roll around on their image in their sleep. Second, there is the branding. I would have been happier with no-brand cars. The truth is, I have dressed K. in many, many hand-me-downs, some of them have images of cars, trucks, and various other gendered things on them. Not my favorite clothes, but when the favorites are dirty, I've been known to send the boy out in such things. (Note: I actually don't have a problem with dressing him in certain sports clothes, because Derek actually is an Or*oles fan, for example. So Derek can put him in black and orange and then if I want to stick him in a onesie that says "I love yoga" that's fine too.) But I have rejected branding. I've put anything with the image of elmo or m*ckey straight into the goodwill bag.
So, the N*scar sheets. I wanted to get rid of them. Derek was being frugal. They are not crib sheets, so he wouldn't be using them for quite some time anyway. Finally, I agreed that we could keep them around ONLY if we didn't tell K. about them (so as not to socialize him into liking cars, you know) and we would ONLY bring them out and let K. use them if he turned out to be a car-obsessed little boy who was just dying for car sheets, and that this would have to be a decision he came to spontaneously.
K. is learning a lot of language right now and he tends to latch onto one word and say it sort of obsessively. Until recently, his favorite word was "tree" (pronounced tree-ya). I loved it. Go nature boy! Yeah! Then, I bought him some blocks, and in the bag of blocks there was a block with wheels. And this block was somehow very appealing. And the next thing I know, his favorite word is "a cah." Hopefully this is just a passing phase. Otherwise I may have to learn to live with those sheets.
I was horrified when I opened a package of hand-me-downs and found a set of N*scar sheets. Then I found out that Derek had approved the sending of the sheets. He had been asked explicitly if he wanted them, and he said yes.
No, Derek is not N*scar fan. He is not even a car freak. But he is frugal to the verge of miserly. (OK, fine, I just like to say the word "miser". Derek is not really a miser.) He is extremely frugal. So he would rather use the N*scar sheets than go out and buy a new pair of sheets.
I hated the sheets on two levels. One, the gender presumption that boys love cars so much that they want to roll around on their image in their sleep. Second, there is the branding. I would have been happier with no-brand cars. The truth is, I have dressed K. in many, many hand-me-downs, some of them have images of cars, trucks, and various other gendered things on them. Not my favorite clothes, but when the favorites are dirty, I've been known to send the boy out in such things. (Note: I actually don't have a problem with dressing him in certain sports clothes, because Derek actually is an Or*oles fan, for example. So Derek can put him in black and orange and then if I want to stick him in a onesie that says "I love yoga" that's fine too.) But I have rejected branding. I've put anything with the image of elmo or m*ckey straight into the goodwill bag.
So, the N*scar sheets. I wanted to get rid of them. Derek was being frugal. They are not crib sheets, so he wouldn't be using them for quite some time anyway. Finally, I agreed that we could keep them around ONLY if we didn't tell K. about them (so as not to socialize him into liking cars, you know) and we would ONLY bring them out and let K. use them if he turned out to be a car-obsessed little boy who was just dying for car sheets, and that this would have to be a decision he came to spontaneously.
K. is learning a lot of language right now and he tends to latch onto one word and say it sort of obsessively. Until recently, his favorite word was "tree" (pronounced tree-ya). I loved it. Go nature boy! Yeah! Then, I bought him some blocks, and in the bag of blocks there was a block with wheels. And this block was somehow very appealing. And the next thing I know, his favorite word is "a cah." Hopefully this is just a passing phase. Otherwise I may have to learn to live with those sheets.
posted by Melissa at 9:28 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, there! was just having a read and this gender stuff struck me. I will seriously punch the next person who tries to put my kid into one of these boxes. Things like (to a two-month old), 'Boys don't cry-- shame on you!' or 'Shame on you for crying in front of your grandfather!' or 'Boys like to go outside,' (presumably this means girls like to stay inside and help their mothers in the kitchen) or, more recently 'Boys like balls and cars.' Of course this wouldn't have to do with the 10 new cars you shove at him every week, or the balls you constantly throw at his head with excited shouts of 'Gooool!' every 30 seconds, would it, Grandma?
Yup, the PILs are still getting on my nerves.
Still, it irks me to see him already developing clearly 'boyish' behavior all on his own, like wrestling and rough play with his little friend (also a boy), while with the girls there's either a lot of hugging and kissing or a lot of ignoring. And that baby smell has turned into an obvious 'little boy smell.' It's lovely, but I expect video games and rooms stinking of athletic socks and Cheetos aren't far off. Good thing life with two little brothers has prepared me for this...
I have already lost this battle. Henry had gender neutral everything for the first year, although a couple of people gave him a couple of cars when he was born. "Car" was his first word. Now he is a car savant. He knows the name of a car based on its insignia (big into Mini Coopers and VW Beetles).
He also loves cats and flowers and holding hands with his friends. Pink is his favorite color. But cars are his obsession.
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