Yesterday was K.'s 2nd birthday.  A shocking thing, really.  I can't believe we've managed to raise a reasonably well-adjusted 2yr old.  

I am such an emotional wreck with these hormones.  K. is doing so well at his new daycare, and the fact that it allows us to have some low-key time together in the morning is so worth making the change.  Even just doing mundane things, getting dressed, brushing teeth, but in an unhurried way, feels precious and enjoyable to me.  And then I dropped him off at daycare - mind you - most of the work that I'm doing today is from home, somehow that makes it harder to drop him off since I don't have somewhere to BE.  And he went straight to the sandbox and happily began to play, hardly looking up when I kissed the top of his head.  I just felt so emotional.  I can see how important this social experience is for him, yet there is a part of me that just wants to keep him at home and not work.  I suppose when business picks up I will feel more gratified by working.  

I'm freaking out a bit that when the new baby comes I will be faced with the stark choice to work full-time or stay at home full-time.  I don't think that part-time work will cover even the cost of p/t daycare for two.  This is worrisome to me.  I have lots of time to figure it out.  I just feel so torn between wanting to spend all the moments together while he is still so little and needs and loves me so much, but also wanting to keep something for myself, so that when he/they don't need me anymore, I will still have, well, an identity apart from that of "Mom".