Late Day
So here I sit on my "late day". I'll be working until 9 tonight, so I'm trying not to go in to the office before noon. I went running, etc. Unfortunately, I am temporarily incapable of sleeping in, due to the lavender Basal thermometer (however you spell it) that I am placing in my mouth every morning at 7. I don't even have to set the alarm, because I'm so anxious about it that I start to dream about it. Usually I dream that I've already taken my temperture at least twice before I actually give up, wake up (at around five til seven) and actually do it in real life.
I'm hoping that all the anxiety will use itself up and burn itself out before we actually start trying to conceive, and by then I'll have a neat little understanding of my reproductive system and ovulation cycle! This pre-emptive charting is supposed to alleviate future anxiety by allowing me to run with my anal compulsive tendencies instead of second guessing vague symptoms. Will it work??? I imagine eventually it will become routine. maybe?
Anyway, overall I'm doing OK. Life is certainly settling down after the most busy and filled with traveling holiday season I have EVER lived through. Also I'm settling into my job, and taking stock of that as well. Unfortunately, I find that I am not thrilled with where I am. Before I go into a list of negativity, I will first say, that YES I am still having fun exploring LA, YES I am enjoying the amazing weather, and YES marrying my dear professor is the best thing I've ever done in my whole entire life.
However, I've had to step off the career path that I love, and I'm feeling bummed out about this now that I've settled in and learned my new job. I like the job, I believe in the service they are providing, I like their approach, and I've been really lucky to start the job with a bunch of other new people who I really like and who make me laugh every single day. This is something that I really needed, since my social life is the other lacking thing around here. But, I'm not practicing psychotherapy right now, and I do miss it. I was really in a good place when I left NY, having achieved my clinical license, finished up a great training program, and had an opportunity to begin providing clinical supervision at my old agency. So, I do feel it as quite a loss that I'm not practicing right now, and I'm trying to figure out how to make the best of the situation. I really feel that I have no choice but to tread water since we will likely be in LA only until the summer, and I don't know where we'll be after that, so I can't really work towards anything career-wise.
So, I'm trying to figure out how to make the most of this forced break. I'm looking into maybe taking classes to explore other, unrelated interests that I have. (photography? poetry?) And, I want to get knocked up. But I know I can't make this happen exactly when I want it to no matter how many times I take my temperature at 7 in the morning.
I'm hoping that all the anxiety will use itself up and burn itself out before we actually start trying to conceive, and by then I'll have a neat little understanding of my reproductive system and ovulation cycle! This pre-emptive charting is supposed to alleviate future anxiety by allowing me to run with my anal compulsive tendencies instead of second guessing vague symptoms. Will it work??? I imagine eventually it will become routine. maybe?
Anyway, overall I'm doing OK. Life is certainly settling down after the most busy and filled with traveling holiday season I have EVER lived through. Also I'm settling into my job, and taking stock of that as well. Unfortunately, I find that I am not thrilled with where I am. Before I go into a list of negativity, I will first say, that YES I am still having fun exploring LA, YES I am enjoying the amazing weather, and YES marrying my dear professor is the best thing I've ever done in my whole entire life.
However, I've had to step off the career path that I love, and I'm feeling bummed out about this now that I've settled in and learned my new job. I like the job, I believe in the service they are providing, I like their approach, and I've been really lucky to start the job with a bunch of other new people who I really like and who make me laugh every single day. This is something that I really needed, since my social life is the other lacking thing around here. But, I'm not practicing psychotherapy right now, and I do miss it. I was really in a good place when I left NY, having achieved my clinical license, finished up a great training program, and had an opportunity to begin providing clinical supervision at my old agency. So, I do feel it as quite a loss that I'm not practicing right now, and I'm trying to figure out how to make the best of the situation. I really feel that I have no choice but to tread water since we will likely be in LA only until the summer, and I don't know where we'll be after that, so I can't really work towards anything career-wise.
So, I'm trying to figure out how to make the most of this forced break. I'm looking into maybe taking classes to explore other, unrelated interests that I have. (photography? poetry?) And, I want to get knocked up. But I know I can't make this happen exactly when I want it to no matter how many times I take my temperature at 7 in the morning.
posted by Melissa at 12:58 PM
2 Comments:
That's funny- I used to dream I took my temp a few times before I really woke up, too. Lots of anxiety, indeed, but it will probably become more routine shortly. Also, don't assume it will take you a long time to conceive just because of others' experiences. It may happen quickly for you. I'll shut up now, other than to say good luck!
I still dream that but only at the most important parts of the month, like when I am testing near the end of the 2WeekWait or right around ovulation. The rest of the time I sleep late and occasionally flat out forget. It will take some time to become routine. But J is right - you have to try to assume it's all going to be easy as pie. Do some sort of guided meditation on how lovely and quick it will all be. Or something.
Post a Comment
<< Home