Meme (from unwellness)
(accepting unwellness' non-specific tag)
What were you doing ten years ago this month?
That would have been January of my senior year in college. Nothing jumps out at me in particular about that month. I had just turned 21. I was studying sociology and fiction writing. I was still dating X (to steal from R. Ford) and I think we were pretty happy together at that time, it was one of our better years if I remember correctly. I was REALLY freaked out about my impending graduation. I had no earthly idea what I wanted to do with myself, and was even having some related anxiety attacks. Sometimes I thought I would probably die before graduating from college because I couldn't imagine life after, I had no vision for it. I wasn't speaking to my father, and my parents were about to separate. I do remember Ms. Bri coming home from Florence on her way to Phoenix and being with her at Asia's apartment with a bunchy of other girls and then just the three of us, very very very drunk and likely smoking a million cigarrettes.
What were you doing eight years ago this month?
In January 1998 I was living with D. in the apt. we inherited from Bri & Wes on what was then the "not so nice" (AKA not gentrified one bit) part of 5th Avenue. I used to love to sit in the window and watch the men pacing in front of the OTB. There was always graffitti about Jesus on the front door, and the guy who owned the store downstairs was hot for D's mother. X and I were still officially together but he was living on the west coast. I was very confused about the relationship and often felt intensely lonely. To deal with this I would do things like spend the whole day walking from Park Slope to Union Square. I had a job I really loved, which was working at the public defenders office. It was very fun and I felt very self-righteous about it, the world was full of good guys and bad guys and I was working with the good guys.
What were you doing six years ago this month?
Still living in Bklyn with D., but now in an overpriced apt near the park. I'd finished my first semester at my MSW program, and I was interning at the place where I would have my last and most beloved job, a small agency in S_nset P_rk. I was still with X but we'd been struggling. I think we were sometimes happy but sometimes really frustrated with one another and talked sometimes about breaking up. The relationship would last about 7 more months. We'd all just celebrated in the millenium at Bri & Wes's apt, the first year of that tradition. And Kaiserschmarm had been to visit, with her beautiful little boy, who was very excited about trains and the "toy museum".
What were you doing four years ago this month?
Working at my first job as a social worker, in ENY, and I believe I still liked the job at that time. I was still living in the overpriced apt, but D. had recently moved back to Buffalo, and I had a "random roommate". Actually, the landlord was about to kick me out, but I didn't know it yet. Derek and I had been dating for about five months, and I was very very happy with him and definitely had high hopes for the relationship. Also, I think at that time we New Yorkers were all still reeling from Sept. 11. A big chunk of our city was just - gone.
What were you doing two years ago this month?
Derek and I had been living together with our grumpy swine for about a year of unwedded bliss. I was working at my dream job, my second job out of MSW school (the place in S----- P---). I was walking distance from four of my best friends. I couldn't believe that my life was so .... good. That I was so blessed and fortunate. I had started my post-grad program, so I was also really learning a lot and enjoying that too. I was bugging Derek a lot about how much I wanted to get married. I bugged him enough and he proposed on our wonderful trip to Umbria that year. I knew that I was lucky to have found a man so handsome, kind, and so good to me. And good at laughing together.
What are you doing right now?
Just married, and moved to LA so that Derek can start his career. So appreciative of the chance to spend time with Derek, exploring LA and just appreciating our relationship which is now (gasp) a marriage! Unfortunately, frequently homesick for NY, sometimes quite lonesome for my friends there and elsewhere. Liking my job alright enough but feeling sidetracked from what I really want to be doing and therefore at somewhat of a standstill until we know where we'll be on a more permanent basis. In limbo. Looking forward to beginning the "trying to conceive" phase in.... 12 days or something like that.
What have you learned from this?
It's still hard to believe that I have so many of the things that I want in life. I used to truly believe, when I was younger, that I would never marry. I actually did not believe that healthy relationships existed. When people seemed happy together, I thought they were probably hiding something. Really. So every day I am thankful that I found Derek, and that I am capable of being in a healthy relationship. That's enough to remember, when I feel frustrated and homesick. If I can get as much done in the next ten years as I guess I have in the past ten, I should have a pretty full life, and that feels hopeful.
I TAG: Kaiserschmarm!
What were you doing ten years ago this month?
That would have been January of my senior year in college. Nothing jumps out at me in particular about that month. I had just turned 21. I was studying sociology and fiction writing. I was still dating X (to steal from R. Ford) and I think we were pretty happy together at that time, it was one of our better years if I remember correctly. I was REALLY freaked out about my impending graduation. I had no earthly idea what I wanted to do with myself, and was even having some related anxiety attacks. Sometimes I thought I would probably die before graduating from college because I couldn't imagine life after, I had no vision for it. I wasn't speaking to my father, and my parents were about to separate. I do remember Ms. Bri coming home from Florence on her way to Phoenix and being with her at Asia's apartment with a bunchy of other girls and then just the three of us, very very very drunk and likely smoking a million cigarrettes.
What were you doing eight years ago this month?
In January 1998 I was living with D. in the apt. we inherited from Bri & Wes on what was then the "not so nice" (AKA not gentrified one bit) part of 5th Avenue. I used to love to sit in the window and watch the men pacing in front of the OTB. There was always graffitti about Jesus on the front door, and the guy who owned the store downstairs was hot for D's mother. X and I were still officially together but he was living on the west coast. I was very confused about the relationship and often felt intensely lonely. To deal with this I would do things like spend the whole day walking from Park Slope to Union Square. I had a job I really loved, which was working at the public defenders office. It was very fun and I felt very self-righteous about it, the world was full of good guys and bad guys and I was working with the good guys.
What were you doing six years ago this month?
Still living in Bklyn with D., but now in an overpriced apt near the park. I'd finished my first semester at my MSW program, and I was interning at the place where I would have my last and most beloved job, a small agency in S_nset P_rk. I was still with X but we'd been struggling. I think we were sometimes happy but sometimes really frustrated with one another and talked sometimes about breaking up. The relationship would last about 7 more months. We'd all just celebrated in the millenium at Bri & Wes's apt, the first year of that tradition. And Kaiserschmarm had been to visit, with her beautiful little boy, who was very excited about trains and the "toy museum".
What were you doing four years ago this month?
Working at my first job as a social worker, in ENY, and I believe I still liked the job at that time. I was still living in the overpriced apt, but D. had recently moved back to Buffalo, and I had a "random roommate". Actually, the landlord was about to kick me out, but I didn't know it yet. Derek and I had been dating for about five months, and I was very very happy with him and definitely had high hopes for the relationship. Also, I think at that time we New Yorkers were all still reeling from Sept. 11. A big chunk of our city was just - gone.
What were you doing two years ago this month?
Derek and I had been living together with our grumpy swine for about a year of unwedded bliss. I was working at my dream job, my second job out of MSW school (the place in S----- P---). I was walking distance from four of my best friends. I couldn't believe that my life was so .... good. That I was so blessed and fortunate. I had started my post-grad program, so I was also really learning a lot and enjoying that too. I was bugging Derek a lot about how much I wanted to get married. I bugged him enough and he proposed on our wonderful trip to Umbria that year. I knew that I was lucky to have found a man so handsome, kind, and so good to me. And good at laughing together.
What are you doing right now?
Just married, and moved to LA so that Derek can start his career. So appreciative of the chance to spend time with Derek, exploring LA and just appreciating our relationship which is now (gasp) a marriage! Unfortunately, frequently homesick for NY, sometimes quite lonesome for my friends there and elsewhere. Liking my job alright enough but feeling sidetracked from what I really want to be doing and therefore at somewhat of a standstill until we know where we'll be on a more permanent basis. In limbo. Looking forward to beginning the "trying to conceive" phase in.... 12 days or something like that.
What have you learned from this?
It's still hard to believe that I have so many of the things that I want in life. I used to truly believe, when I was younger, that I would never marry. I actually did not believe that healthy relationships existed. When people seemed happy together, I thought they were probably hiding something. Really. So every day I am thankful that I found Derek, and that I am capable of being in a healthy relationship. That's enough to remember, when I feel frustrated and homesick. If I can get as much done in the next ten years as I guess I have in the past ten, I should have a pretty full life, and that feels hopeful.
I TAG: Kaiserschmarm!
posted by Melissa at 10:24 PM
3 Comments:
i don't have a blog, but i want to play...
What were you doing ten years ago this month?
I had just returned to NY from a trip to Hawaii with my mom and Peter. In the airport in LA when I was going to get on a plane to come back to NY and they were going to get on a different plane to SF, we were having coffee or something and I remember he made a big deal of telling me how proud they were of me and how much he loved me. Not that he was cold at all, he wasn't, but I remember this having a very different tone than the usual "I love you" business before I got on a plane to go back to school. As it turned out, it was the last time I saw him. He died three months later.
What were you doing eight years ago this month?
B. and I had been together for about five months and I was breaking my lease and we were moving to our first apt in the neighborhood, across from Di##y's, where I swear we spent all of our money on brunch which we seemed to eat there twice a week. I was working at a translation company making almost nothing and I was miserable doing it.
What were you doing six years ago this month?
January 2000. B and I would have been together for 2.5 years at that point. We had moved to my current apartment about a year before. We had had B's dog with us for well over a year at that point. I had just finished my first semester of grad school and I was beginning to think about whether I would go on. B and I were smoking a lot and fighting a lot. But there were still bright spots. I believe that was the year that he took me to Jamaica, where we did not fight and had a great time together. I began seeing a therapist that spring, who I saw until 2005. I used to walk to her office, which at that time was in the 60s way on the east side, from NYU. It was about that time that I began to think seriously about going on for a PhD.
What were you doing four years ago this month?
January 2002. Hmmm. Things get blurry. B and I had been together for 4.5 years and things were definitely getting bad. We were almost a year from the true end, but we were essentially leading separate lives in the same space and when we did try to come together it was often unpleasant. I would cry myself to sleep more often than I care to admit because I was so sad and angry at what we had become. At school, things were fine. It was the beginning of my second semester at R*tg*rs, so I was still in heavy course work. I was thinking a lot about Bri's wedding, which was coming up.
What were you doing two years ago this month?
J. and I had been together for almost a year and we had had the apt to ourselves for about two months. I had just finished teaching a wintersession class (which always sucks) and J. had given me a small gift each day I had to work. In a few months we would enter the lottery for the marathon and in about five months we would start training. Nine months later he would propose to me at the finish line. At school, I had just finished my coursework and begun my qualifying work.
What are you doing right now?
We were married a month ago, after several very difficult months of weding planning, and it was beautiful. We went to Costa Rica for two weeks and I could never imagine anything so fantastic as spending all that uninterrupted time together in such a cool place. Now we are back to reality, which is tough for both of us. I am in the middle of collecting data for my dissertation, applying for fellowships for next year and revising papers for journals.
What have you learned from this?
Gosh, I don't know. That ten years is a long time. That things change a lot, but not everything (especially when you are in grad school almost the entire fucking time). That life can become something you couldn't have even imagined five years before. And, mostly, that life is really good right now, comparatively. I struggled a lot in the past and, frustrating as day to day life can be, I am actually in a good place currently.
I'm so glad you did it too! It is amazing to think of how far we've all come in ten years.
It's amazing how similar A. and I are on this. Actually, it's probably not all that amazing, but it is curious.
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