What would you do?
This is becoming quite repetitive, but it is the source of anxiety dreams that wake me up at night and prevent me from falling back to sleep at 4am, so I'm soliciting thoughts, advice, wisdom, etc. from anyone who stumbles across this post. I'm sure I'm focusing all my impending-baby anxiety on this one point, but so be it.
As everyone knows, I really want as little intervention as possible at the birth, because that is what feels right to me. This is why I've chosen to deliver at the birth center and chosen to work with midwives as my primary caregivers. This is not to say that I am against medical intervention overall. I'm quite aware that the development of c-sections and other techniques have literally saved the lives of countless women and children, and under life threatening circumstances I would not hesitate to make use of such options, and would feel good about doing so. However, I am also aware that women are frequently pressured or guided towards interventions that are not medically necessary. I'll give an example. If my labor stalls at 7 centimeters dilated, a doctor, due to their training, might first suggest Pitocin. A midwife, due to their training, might first suggest movement, change of position, etc, before moving on to suggest Pitocin. (My assumption: Pitocin = increased need for epidural = increased possibility of c-section.) My fear is that if I am not attended at birth by the midwives (and it remains unclear whether they will be available after Jan. 1st) that in the midst of the stress and strain of labor I will be talked into doing something that I later regret. I'll repeat, if I have a c-section because it was medically necessary, I will feel good about making that choice. But if I look back and feel that I had one because I was pressured and lost control of the situation, I'll be pissed and saddened. Also, I just hate the idea of being attended in labor by someone I've never laid eyes on. And this is causing me a lot of anxiety.
So, what to do?
1. Right now we are trying to make appointments to meet the three additional doctors in the practice in order to see what their birthing philosophy is. We still may not be able to get appts with all of them before I go into labor (my next appt is at 37 weeks) and if we end up not liking or agreeing with one of them, it's still tough shit if that's the person who is on call when I go into labor.
2. Throw a fit and insist to work with the midwives, since that's why we came to the practice in the first place. Insist that we will leave the practice to be attended by the midwives if necessary. (I don't know if that's even a possibility.) (Also, I want to add that while I like both of the midwives, I'm not "in love" with them - that's Asia's phrase. The main reason I prefer them is that I trust their birthing philosophy, and they are the practitioners I've been meeting with for the last five months.)
3. Hire a doula/labor coach so that someone will be there to advocate for me and/or suggest natural birthing interventions if something happens where my labor stalls. I must mention that Derek does not want to hire a doula because he wants the birth to be as much as possible a private event between the two of us, and he wants to be my primary support. And I want him to be, and I think he is capable of it, I'm just worried about us both being exhausted, emotional, and overwhelmed.
Any thoughts? Also, are you supposed to tip a massage therapist?
As everyone knows, I really want as little intervention as possible at the birth, because that is what feels right to me. This is why I've chosen to deliver at the birth center and chosen to work with midwives as my primary caregivers. This is not to say that I am against medical intervention overall. I'm quite aware that the development of c-sections and other techniques have literally saved the lives of countless women and children, and under life threatening circumstances I would not hesitate to make use of such options, and would feel good about doing so. However, I am also aware that women are frequently pressured or guided towards interventions that are not medically necessary. I'll give an example. If my labor stalls at 7 centimeters dilated, a doctor, due to their training, might first suggest Pitocin. A midwife, due to their training, might first suggest movement, change of position, etc, before moving on to suggest Pitocin. (My assumption: Pitocin = increased need for epidural = increased possibility of c-section.) My fear is that if I am not attended at birth by the midwives (and it remains unclear whether they will be available after Jan. 1st) that in the midst of the stress and strain of labor I will be talked into doing something that I later regret. I'll repeat, if I have a c-section because it was medically necessary, I will feel good about making that choice. But if I look back and feel that I had one because I was pressured and lost control of the situation, I'll be pissed and saddened. Also, I just hate the idea of being attended in labor by someone I've never laid eyes on. And this is causing me a lot of anxiety.
So, what to do?
1. Right now we are trying to make appointments to meet the three additional doctors in the practice in order to see what their birthing philosophy is. We still may not be able to get appts with all of them before I go into labor (my next appt is at 37 weeks) and if we end up not liking or agreeing with one of them, it's still tough shit if that's the person who is on call when I go into labor.
2. Throw a fit and insist to work with the midwives, since that's why we came to the practice in the first place. Insist that we will leave the practice to be attended by the midwives if necessary. (I don't know if that's even a possibility.) (Also, I want to add that while I like both of the midwives, I'm not "in love" with them - that's Asia's phrase. The main reason I prefer them is that I trust their birthing philosophy, and they are the practitioners I've been meeting with for the last five months.)
3. Hire a doula/labor coach so that someone will be there to advocate for me and/or suggest natural birthing interventions if something happens where my labor stalls. I must mention that Derek does not want to hire a doula because he wants the birth to be as much as possible a private event between the two of us, and he wants to be my primary support. And I want him to be, and I think he is capable of it, I'm just worried about us both being exhausted, emotional, and overwhelmed.
Any thoughts? Also, are you supposed to tip a massage therapist?
posted by Melissa at 9:38 AM
4 Comments:
Obviously I'm following your blog kind of closely. Sorry, I hope you don't think me a stalker. It's just with 2 sick kids and no outside time over the last almost 72 hours, I'm depending on blogs for outside world stimulation. But I digress.
I would hire a doula right away. I know about Derek's feelings, but when you interview your potential doula, tell her about these feelings and ask her how you can keep it a private, intimate event while still having her as an advocate. It seems like you really need an advocate more than anything else. Derek will be primary emotional and physical supporter, but parents usually do not have to worry so much about advocating during birth when they know their healthcare provider well. This should not be a job Derek should have to focus on- there will be SO MUCH else to focus on. You will both be nervous, excited, and possibly exhausted. And think of it this way- the more Derek has to contend with the birthing staff, the less attention he will be able to pay to you. Let someone else contend with them. No matter whether you are with the midwives or doctors, you will have someone making sure the birth is going as you'd like it to. You don't get many moments like this in life. I think this may be the surest bet to get what you want and need.
Okay, that's my annoying advice. Sorry to be so forward. All that having been said, try not to panic- it will all be fine.
I personally think you should raise a stink with the practice and force them to give you a straight answer as to whether one of the midwives will attend your birth as planned or not. That is so basic. They really need to be able to tell you that much. It's not like it's in three months... it's a matter of WEEKS. Come ON. Then, depending on the answer you get, you can hire a doula. Unless there is somewhere else you can go that seems better, I don't know what else you can do. This sucks. But it will be okay and I don't think it will matter too much once he's here, wherever he comes and with whomever's help... -A
I totally agree with hiring a doula, maybe on a sort of standby basis where they would be called if you were going to be attended by a doctor but if you end up with the midwives, great.
I also agree that you should be able to get an answer. It isn't fair to keep you in limbo like this.
It sounds, from what you've said in the past, that the birthing center is an excellent place to give birth. If you followed the midwives elsewhere, where would that be? I would be nervous if you weren't steps away from hospital stuff, but you know me.
I am sorry the end of your pregnancy has become such an anxious time because of this. I love you and miss you. Oh, and you aren't taking pictures of your giant belly and posting them. And you should. And also, will you please be sure to tell us when you go into labor? PLEASE?
Yes. I second bri's two pleas. 1. belly pictures. 2. MUST know when you go into labor. Please?! I know you'll be contracting and all, but...I'm sort of sitting here every day thinking "is she in labor now?" It's pretty funny, actually.
- A
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