two stories about Derek receiving gifts from my family

1. Derek is a firm believer in telling people exactly what he wants for Christmas or birthday, and asking the same of them. That way, he figures you get to avoid having a house full of useless tchotchkes and clothes that you would never wear.

Last year, we spent part of my birthday (the part that didn't involve a butt shot) at the LA MOCA, at an exhibit that included, among other artists, RCrumb. (See included picture.) So when my sister asked Derek what he wanted for Christmas, he said he wanted a book by RCrumb. My sister, who is a bit sheltered and a self-described "Christian" (but not really conservative, don't get the wrong idea), had no idea who or what RCrumb was and had to ask the bookstore personnel to help her locate the book, which she successfully purchased for Derek.

Shortly thereafter, my sister was wrapping her Christmas presents when my Dad picked up the Crumb book and thumbed through it, only to find various cartoons featuring, among other things, oh, graphic portrayals of or*al s*x. And that would be a modest description. My Dad starts laughing hysterically and has a new appreciation for his son-in-law. My sister was a little bit mortified that she'd actually asked someone to find this book for her, but hey, Derek got the gift he wanted!

2. This year, I received one of these figurines from my sister for my birthday. (See image.) Pretty inocuous as far as figurines go, right? But probably not what I would have picked out for myself. So what, it's a gift. My sister asks if I think Derek would like one for Christmas. I say, as diplomatically as possible, "Derek doesn't really like figurines." But she asks Derek directly, he tries to get all tactful and says, "Oh, I think that's nice, I would like that if it came from you." Now, Derek is mortified to know that he will probably be receiving his own figurine for Christmas. But it's his own fault! I tried to give him the easy way out.

Happy Holidays! May you all get what you ask for.