Birth Amnesia
I thought about birth again yesterday, probably since Ms. Bri is inching towards her own finish line. It's funny how it was so momentous (and horrendous!) at the time, but it really no longer haunts me.
I would like to say that my first words after giving birth to K. were something like: "Oh, my beautiful baby! How I love him!" Or even: "How is the baby doing?" But, if I remember correctly (Bri or Eumaios can correct me if I'm wrong) my first words were: "I am never doing that again. Ever." As they were intubating my sweet, sweet baby who was laboring for his first breath. How about that for badmommy?
However, as time has passed, I find that I do want to have another child. And (gasp) yes, there is even a part of me that looks forward to going through the birth process again. And, if at all possible, it will once again be unmedicated and at a birth center. Because my mind has clouded. And now, when I think about the birth, I think more along the lines of: "what a great adventure it was!" and "what an intimate experience for me, Eumaios, and Bri!"
I still remember, objectively, how awful and painful it was. But I can't remember it on a visceral level. I guess this is how the species survives.
I would like to say that my first words after giving birth to K. were something like: "Oh, my beautiful baby! How I love him!" Or even: "How is the baby doing?" But, if I remember correctly (Bri or Eumaios can correct me if I'm wrong) my first words were: "I am never doing that again. Ever." As they were intubating my sweet, sweet baby who was laboring for his first breath. How about that for badmommy?
However, as time has passed, I find that I do want to have another child. And (gasp) yes, there is even a part of me that looks forward to going through the birth process again. And, if at all possible, it will once again be unmedicated and at a birth center. Because my mind has clouded. And now, when I think about the birth, I think more along the lines of: "what a great adventure it was!" and "what an intimate experience for me, Eumaios, and Bri!"
I still remember, objectively, how awful and painful it was. But I can't remember it on a visceral level. I guess this is how the species survives.
posted by Melissa at 12:28 PM
2 Comments:
Yes. No matter how ridiculous things were the first time around, somehow we still want to procreate. Crazy stuff.
This is one of those things that I fear will create a giant chasm between us. I swear to you that I will
A) never forget Melissa's birth
B) never forget LaGiulia's pregnancy
C) never forget how it felt to be pregnant (ie, mostly not fun at all, sometimes hideous, occasionally awe-inspiring)
D) never do this again
My mother never forgot one iota of the pain of childbirth. Neither did my aunt. I think we hold grudges in my family in a most serious way. Neither ever wanted another kid and it was almost entirely because of pregnancy and childbirth. I am just happy I only want one in the first place.
Crazy people, both of you. Love you, though.
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