The Lonely Post
It really sucks to not have any community here. My Mom just left yesterday after a quick visit - I feel so lonely at home all day after a visitor leaves. To make matters worse, Derek has a "work dinner" and won't be home until 7 or 8pm tonight.
I'm making efforts to connect with people here, but it is going to be a long process, I think. It is hard to connect with people outside of work and/or school. In fact, the only friend I've ever made outside of those arenas is Jan. (hi Jan!) And that is really because she is so outgoing and talented at making friends, so I was lucky enough that she chose me. So, I think as I go in my attempts to make friends, I have to think to myself, what would Janet do? (wwjd - heh) I have to really push myself out of my box of shyness.
Here are the attempts that I have made. The biggest possibility is through the women that I went to prenatal yoga with. There were about 5 women in the class, and I really like all of them and felt that we had some commonalities. We went to a little "reunion" to meet each other's babies two weeks ago, and last week three of us went on a "mama/baby" hike run by the park system here. Both of these activities were quite fun. But now there is no plan for another get together, and I realize that I am probably going to have to be outgoing and put myself out there and email people to try to organize something and face potential rejection. This is so outside of my "comfort zone", but it has to be done. I do feel vulnerable, and quite desperate to connect with people. Maybe desperate is too drastic, but you know what I mean. Yet I hardly know these women, so I guess if they don't want to hang out I really shouldn't take it personally.
My most pathetic attempt at making friends was when I took K. to a mama/baby yoga class and there was no one in the class except for me, K., and the yoga teacher. That was pretty sad. At least K. was cute.
It's too bad I can't put a personals ad out for myself: "I'm a great friend, loyal, a good listener, with a decent sense of humor. I am dependable and have a solid history of long term friendships. I like to go for walks and sit around drinking coffee. I usually remember birthdays. I am a skilled conversationalist on topics ranging from politics and literature, to babies and parenting, to sex and gossip. I will take care of your pets when you go out of town, babysit your kid when you want to go out with your husband, help you go shopping, and just listen or be a shoulder to cry on when things are difficult. I can provide a list of references that will vouch for my skill as a friend."
Ha!
In a related note, I really want to put more effort into blogging with some regularity. Although it doesn't hold a candle to seeing any of you in person or talking on the phone, it is so hard to connect with varying busy schedules, and contact through the blog is better than no contact at all.
I'm making efforts to connect with people here, but it is going to be a long process, I think. It is hard to connect with people outside of work and/or school. In fact, the only friend I've ever made outside of those arenas is Jan. (hi Jan!) And that is really because she is so outgoing and talented at making friends, so I was lucky enough that she chose me. So, I think as I go in my attempts to make friends, I have to think to myself, what would Janet do? (wwjd - heh) I have to really push myself out of my box of shyness.
Here are the attempts that I have made. The biggest possibility is through the women that I went to prenatal yoga with. There were about 5 women in the class, and I really like all of them and felt that we had some commonalities. We went to a little "reunion" to meet each other's babies two weeks ago, and last week three of us went on a "mama/baby" hike run by the park system here. Both of these activities were quite fun. But now there is no plan for another get together, and I realize that I am probably going to have to be outgoing and put myself out there and email people to try to organize something and face potential rejection. This is so outside of my "comfort zone", but it has to be done. I do feel vulnerable, and quite desperate to connect with people. Maybe desperate is too drastic, but you know what I mean. Yet I hardly know these women, so I guess if they don't want to hang out I really shouldn't take it personally.
My most pathetic attempt at making friends was when I took K. to a mama/baby yoga class and there was no one in the class except for me, K., and the yoga teacher. That was pretty sad. At least K. was cute.
It's too bad I can't put a personals ad out for myself: "I'm a great friend, loyal, a good listener, with a decent sense of humor. I am dependable and have a solid history of long term friendships. I like to go for walks and sit around drinking coffee. I usually remember birthdays. I am a skilled conversationalist on topics ranging from politics and literature, to babies and parenting, to sex and gossip. I will take care of your pets when you go out of town, babysit your kid when you want to go out with your husband, help you go shopping, and just listen or be a shoulder to cry on when things are difficult. I can provide a list of references that will vouch for my skill as a friend."
Ha!
In a related note, I really want to put more effort into blogging with some regularity. Although it doesn't hold a candle to seeing any of you in person or talking on the phone, it is so hard to connect with varying busy schedules, and contact through the blog is better than no contact at all.
posted by Melissa at 9:28 AM
4 Comments:
Maybe it's the hormones, but your classified ad made me tear up. I miss you like mad.
Oh, and email those women, dammit.
nope. not the hormones. i'm teary too! i will be your reference! i could write you a letter of recommendation... love you.
-a
I feel for you, being out there in an unfamiliar place without friends. It's a tough stage in life to find yourself in that situation. I even feel the way you do sometimes, and here I am in a familiar place! Yes, I have friends around here, but none of them had babies at the same time as me or even before me, except for one. That one friend's kid is 7 yrs old, so the memories are foggy for her. Becoming a mother has changed me, but my friends haven't changed at all, and they don't know what my new world is like. I love them dearly, but I also need to make some friends with whom I have the whole mothering thing in common (preferably mothering twins). Alas, I am not a good friend-maker.
It's my own fault too, though, because every time I go to a Mommy and Me type of thing I get annoyed by hearing so much conversation about stroller types and solid food and sleep habits. My personal ad would look something like this: "Mom of twin toddlers seeking other mom of twin toddlers to drink coffee or cocktails with and talk about things that range beyond parenting methods and poop. I am down to earth and am looking for other down to earth people who, like me, don't know what the name of those little wooden bikes without any pedals are that all the preschoolers in Park Sl0pe drive recklessly down the sidewalks." Gosh, that sounds really grouchy. Yours is much better.
I think emailing those women is a good idea. I say go for it.
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