parenting stuff
Today is my second day being at home with K. without my Mom or Derek to help me. It's going much better than I expected. Being alone with him is allowing me to find my own rhythm with him and our style of doing things together. It's making me think deeply about parenting and my parenting style. I've read so much about parenting and different philosophies, and am now ready to throw out the books. I never found a book that sat completely well with me. Some say to put the baby on a strict schedule or routine and push the baby to be independent (ie. don't pick them up and carry them all the time) and then there is the att*chment p*renting end of the spectrum, which is it's own extreme. (can I just say that I read the S*ars "baby book" and found it to be so sexist and fanatical??? ahem. Yet I do like some of the ideas, such as "babywearing" and breastfeeding on demand.) I'm finding (and I shouldn't be surprised by this) that I can take a little bit from here and a little bit from there, and that's what works well for us. Like anything, I think it's about finding out what's right for the particular baby and the particular caregiver, the particular family. For example, Derek and I don't mind carrying and holding K. as much as he wants, but we do want to encourage him to sleep as much as possible during the night, which means encouraging him to play and be alert more during the day. This does not mean that I strip him naked and put him on a cold coffee table (my Mom said she knew someone who did that to their baby!) but it does mean that I encourage and stimulate him during his alert periods, and change his diaper after he eats so he doesn't just drift off to sleep.
I think as a new parent it is easy to get drawn into a book or a particular philosophy of parenting, since there is so much deep anxiety involved. But the reality is that there is an exciting, creative process I can go through to find my way of doing things in order to best benefit my child, which may be quite different from someone else's way of doing things, although equally acceptable.
I think as a new parent it is easy to get drawn into a book or a particular philosophy of parenting, since there is so much deep anxiety involved. But the reality is that there is an exciting, creative process I can go through to find my way of doing things in order to best benefit my child, which may be quite different from someone else's way of doing things, although equally acceptable.
posted by Melissa at 11:55 AM
1 Comments:
Wow, it sounds like you are doing great! There is some relief to getting into your own daily groove and having quiet time to just be with the baby. You seem to have a very even-tempered, go-with-the-flow way of thinking and doing things, which I think is realistic and good.
I didn't really read any parenting books, I am a little embarrassed to say. I just felt overwhelmed whenever I would look at them in the bookstore. I agree with your assessment of Se*rs as sexist, I dare say. I could say a lot more about AP but will spare you. I agree, though, that certain aspects are good. I too bf-ed on demand and didn't worry about carrying them "too much" as newborns. And if I'd only had one, I might have co-slept at one point or another. But I went the other way on other issues. Believe me, when they turned 6 mos I didn't need a book to convince me to let them cry themselves to sleep- desperation told me! We have done pretty well so far not following any one philosophy, and it sounds like you will too.
PS- love the photos. Thanks for sharing!
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