re: pregnancy and other stuff
It's been awhile, I think, since I wrote specifically about being pregnant. I must admit there remains a small part of me that is afraid, against all logic, that I am not really pregnant. (or that something "bad" might happen) It will be a great relief when I can feel the baby moving, and I sort of wish I'd rented a Doppler for this in-between time.
However, this morning I got a good look at my naked body in the mirror and the fact is pretty unmistakable at this point: the round, full breasts - the curve of the belly - I'm definitely showing. The rest of my body hasn't changed one bit as far as I can tell. My arms still look skinny, and I noticed this morning that I can still see a few of my ribs (where they are being covered by boob). This made me worry that maybe I'm not gaining enough weight, since I'm trying hard to eat healthy and not too much junk, I thought, maybe I'm not eating enough, so I made sure to include chocolate covered raisins and a big cookie in my meals today.
I'm almost twenty weeks (18 1/2) which means almost halfway through, and I simultaneously feel that it's too much time and not enough. I know nothing about what STUFF I need for the baby. I sort of know what I need, but know nothing about stroller and carseat brands and what's better, etc., and also, I realized that I have a weird assortment of baby clothes given to me by my mother but they are not thought out at all according to season or what we might actually need, just what my mother thought was cute at T*J*M*xx. I also haven't made up my mind, or even done any research, on cloth vs. plastic diapers. Sigh. It's a good thing I'm not working.
I am starting to try to learn more about breast feeding, however, and will probably go to a few La L*che League meetings to talk to people about it and meet women here that are having babies and breastfeeding. I am anxious about breastfeeding but it's really important to me to give it my best shot, especially since I have the luxury of staying at home for more than the usual maternity leave.
In other news, I'm finding myself to be less unhappy than I expected with this whole not working thing. I was quite unhappy with my job in LA, and frankly, I'd rather be sitting at home. If I'm going to pine, it's to pine after the job/career that I had in NY, and I have not lost confidence that I will get back on track with that once we are settled somewhere. And, I've decided what to do with myself during this time (other than prepare for the little one). I do hesitate to mention this on a public forum for fear of failure and not being disciplined, but I remember when Ms. Bri did Nano she made it public and I'm sure that did make it harder to quit. So, I'm going to be writing while I'm at home. That's what I've decided, and I started my little notebook today. I don't really have an lofty goals about this, my only goal at this point is to take the chance I would have given anything for when I was 22, which is to stay at home and write instead of working myself bone tired going back and forth between two preschools. So: though it may amount to nothing more, this is a gift that I give to the 22 year old who gave up her dream. (Rather, a gift that Derek gives by bringing home the bacon right now. )
However, this morning I got a good look at my naked body in the mirror and the fact is pretty unmistakable at this point: the round, full breasts - the curve of the belly - I'm definitely showing. The rest of my body hasn't changed one bit as far as I can tell. My arms still look skinny, and I noticed this morning that I can still see a few of my ribs (where they are being covered by boob). This made me worry that maybe I'm not gaining enough weight, since I'm trying hard to eat healthy and not too much junk, I thought, maybe I'm not eating enough, so I made sure to include chocolate covered raisins and a big cookie in my meals today.
I'm almost twenty weeks (18 1/2) which means almost halfway through, and I simultaneously feel that it's too much time and not enough. I know nothing about what STUFF I need for the baby. I sort of know what I need, but know nothing about stroller and carseat brands and what's better, etc., and also, I realized that I have a weird assortment of baby clothes given to me by my mother but they are not thought out at all according to season or what we might actually need, just what my mother thought was cute at T*J*M*xx. I also haven't made up my mind, or even done any research, on cloth vs. plastic diapers. Sigh. It's a good thing I'm not working.
I am starting to try to learn more about breast feeding, however, and will probably go to a few La L*che League meetings to talk to people about it and meet women here that are having babies and breastfeeding. I am anxious about breastfeeding but it's really important to me to give it my best shot, especially since I have the luxury of staying at home for more than the usual maternity leave.
In other news, I'm finding myself to be less unhappy than I expected with this whole not working thing. I was quite unhappy with my job in LA, and frankly, I'd rather be sitting at home. If I'm going to pine, it's to pine after the job/career that I had in NY, and I have not lost confidence that I will get back on track with that once we are settled somewhere. And, I've decided what to do with myself during this time (other than prepare for the little one). I do hesitate to mention this on a public forum for fear of failure and not being disciplined, but I remember when Ms. Bri did Nano she made it public and I'm sure that did make it harder to quit. So, I'm going to be writing while I'm at home. That's what I've decided, and I started my little notebook today. I don't really have an lofty goals about this, my only goal at this point is to take the chance I would have given anything for when I was 22, which is to stay at home and write instead of working myself bone tired going back and forth between two preschools. So: though it may amount to nothing more, this is a gift that I give to the 22 year old who gave up her dream. (Rather, a gift that Derek gives by bringing home the bacon right now. )
posted by Melissa at 1:28 PM
6 Comments:
YAY for the writing! Go Lissa!
Between writing and reading about what baby stuff you need to get, you should be plenty busy for the next 20+ weeks!
I love the writing idea. It's wonderful that you are able to consider a creative endeavor as valid and worthy. It is!
Congrats on almost the halfway point! It won't be too long until you feel the baby. I remember that everyone described it as a flutter, but for me it was more like an eyetwitch, only in my lower abdomen.
Great plan. And don't worry, you know Bri and I will tell you what brand of baby products to buy.
Hi. I'm visiting from Bri's blog. You and I are about 2 weeks apart in this pregnancy thing--I'm 20 weeks today. Just thought I'd recommend the Baby Bargain Book. It's updated yearly and has lots of great reviews of products, which are graded according to their research.
Congratulations and good luck with your writing.
I found the only way to really know what to get was to ignore all the advice and get what I liked and could afford. You can make yourself crazy and still end up with a stroller you can never remember how to fold...
And as a cloth diapering mama, I can give lots of advice on that, the best bit of which is this: use them, they rule!
All of you, thanks for the encouragement.
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