The Month of February Has Arrived
As my dear readers know, this is the month that Derek and I decided to cast the birth control to the wind. And to cast our fate with the fertility gods. If anyone needs a few left over packets of "VCF", just let me know.
So how are we feeling about this? I, for one, am trying not to think too hard on it, because it will freak the sh-- out of me. No matter what the outcome is. I mean, if I can't get pregnant easily, that's going to suck. And if I do get pregnant, well, then here comes a baby to change our lives forever, ready or not.
We are each anxious in our own special way. Derek is still worried about whether he will have a job lined up for next year. I am actually not so worried about this. Judging from last year, I figure he'll get something, even if it's last minute. And if he doesn't, I have a job that can support us and insure us for the time being, and he can adjunct and be more the "stay-at-home" parent until we figure out the next step. Ideally, he will get a job and I will get to take a bit more than the FMLA maternity leave (though I don't anticipate staying home for a very long time). But our worst case scenario isn't that bad.
What I'm really anxious about is the whole "becoming a parent" thing. Honestly, it's difficult to imagine suddenly not being the center of my own life. I keep telling myself that it must happen naturally, that I won't resent the baby for keeping me up at night and making me worry and making me not do some of the things I want to do. Or at least I won't resent it all the time. Because I will love the baby, so much so that it will be a new form of insanity. Right??? It's just hard to imagine our lives being turned upside down, changing so drastically.
Yet I remain thoroughly convinced that this is the right time to start trying. There are many reasons, most of which have already been discussed on this blog. Derek and I both know that we want to be parents, and I think (knock on wood) that we'll do a good job of it together.
So how are we feeling about this? I, for one, am trying not to think too hard on it, because it will freak the sh-- out of me. No matter what the outcome is. I mean, if I can't get pregnant easily, that's going to suck. And if I do get pregnant, well, then here comes a baby to change our lives forever, ready or not.
We are each anxious in our own special way. Derek is still worried about whether he will have a job lined up for next year. I am actually not so worried about this. Judging from last year, I figure he'll get something, even if it's last minute. And if he doesn't, I have a job that can support us and insure us for the time being, and he can adjunct and be more the "stay-at-home" parent until we figure out the next step. Ideally, he will get a job and I will get to take a bit more than the FMLA maternity leave (though I don't anticipate staying home for a very long time). But our worst case scenario isn't that bad.
What I'm really anxious about is the whole "becoming a parent" thing. Honestly, it's difficult to imagine suddenly not being the center of my own life. I keep telling myself that it must happen naturally, that I won't resent the baby for keeping me up at night and making me worry and making me not do some of the things I want to do. Or at least I won't resent it all the time. Because I will love the baby, so much so that it will be a new form of insanity. Right??? It's just hard to imagine our lives being turned upside down, changing so drastically.
Yet I remain thoroughly convinced that this is the right time to start trying. There are many reasons, most of which have already been discussed on this blog. Derek and I both know that we want to be parents, and I think (knock on wood) that we'll do a good job of it together.
posted by Melissa at 10:52 AM
2 Comments:
best of luck! i couldn't help but think of you at 12 on the 31st! :)
A
According to Wes and some study, men about to have a child always worry about the money and women worry about their life and relationships. I am not usually one to buy into such stereotypes but I haven't yet met a couple where this wasn't true. Naturally they each ALSO worry about the other thing, but not as much. Know what I mean?
In any case, on the becoming-a-mommy thing, I know exactly exactly exactly what you mean.
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